How to keep your peace during the holidays
The most trying wonderful time of the year! Whether you’re juggling too many holiday parties, white elephants, and family obligations, or feeling acutely aware of a quieter holiday season compared to what you see on social media, the holidays tend to bring up something.
As a therapist, maybe I have a behind the scenes look, but let me be the first to say, if you are feeling stressed during this *joyous* time, you are not alone. Here are some of my tried and true ways for managing it all.
Painful past memories - maybe holidays were never really a time you enjoyed - lots of families put their tensions on full display during the holidays and it can feel hard not to have the cozy, cheerful memories people around you seem to enjoy
Let that be okay - grieve it, mourn it, think about what you longed for and start - as big or small as you can - to try and create some meaningful traditions on your own
Comparing yourself to others - you see friends or people on social media celebrating in an idyllic way - if this makes you feel bad about your own situation, I certainly won’t be the first to tell you that social media isn’t what it seems, but I will be the one to *strongly encourage* you to:
Delete the apps!!! You won’t miss anything you can’t get caught up on later - protect yourself, protect your peace, and do not spend your life watching someone else’s - being bored is better than doom scrolling into depression, I promise
Intrusive questions - it is entirely possible the asker of these questions is genuinely, whole-heartedly curious - but their intention is besides the point if it strikes a nerve! Before we lose it on Aunt Sue for asking if we’re really going to have that second piece of cake or why is so and so still single, here is my strategy for intrusive questions - disclaimer: it is easier said than done
IN ONE EAR & OUT THE OTHER - I know, sounds too simple - but give it a try
Change the subject - give the benefit of the doubt - maybe they’re asking this question because they want to connect! Take it as an opportunity to ask about them - maybe you are pleasantly surprised at how things move along?!
Remember!! The people we need to set the firmest boundaries with usually respond the worst… so, set the boundary, and then (if you’re up for it) attempt to engage them around something neutral to show - “we can enjoy each other, and we can talk… just not about that”
Show yourself grace - it’s hard not to react to these questions, especially when they’re coming from people we care about (or wish understood us) the most
Don’t set yourself up & don’t get set up! - this is a life motto I learned from someone far wiser than me - so often we walk right into a trap and then thrash around once we realize we’ve been caught
If you anticipate a topic will set you off, try to steer the conversation or activity towards things you are comfortable with
Ex - don’t set yourself up: if you’re not in the place to talk about work with your parents, maybe don’t ask your cousin how their job is going right in front of them
Ex - don’t get set up: say your family complains that you’re always late - get ahead of it by telling them exactly when you will be available, rather than agreeing to a time you know doesn’t work for you - by managing expectations you are proactively avoiding the trap altogether
Talk to your therapist!!!
We get it, we understand you, and we want to set you up with the best tools possible to manage all the drama of the holidays so that you enter into the new year with your head held high and a pep in your step because you practiced being self-protective during the holidays and will be charging into 2026 like a boss! <3
