Navigating Fall Change Using ACT Tools
The transition from summer to fall is heavy for many. We put away our white pants and unearth warm layers. Summer Fridays have disappeared from work calendars. All that back-to-school September energy tells us the fun is over, time to get serious, even if we’ve been out of school for years.
Or maybe the start of fall is just your yearly reminder of the ephemerality of all things, that change is the only constant. Despite its truthfulness, this can be an incredible bummer.
One of my favorite ways to guide clients through times of change and loss is through Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), a technique pioneered by Dr. Steven Hayes. Whereas Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) focuses on challenging and changing thoughts and feelings, ACT focuses on changing our relationship to thoughts and feelings, practicing acceptance and reconnecting to our values. In ACT, the thought itself is not the problem; it’s our relationship to the thought that keeps us stuck in suffering. Instead of trying to avoid or push away painful thoughts – which only increases their power over us – ACT tools help us put some distance between us and our thoughts, to observe and accept them, and then reconnect to what matters most to us as we move forward.
In honor of the start of autumn and the ever-shifting nature of all things, here are some tips for navigating change:
Change feels hard because you’re human, not because you’re broken. If we can depersonalize and normalize the painful thoughts and feelings that come up during times of change, we can name them for what they are: a natural response to a normal human experience. These painful thoughts and feelings are not facts, nor do they have to be fixed, challenged, or banished. They can just be, floating through your mind like passing clouds. When we do not give them extra weight, they don’t take on extra weight.
Get curious, drop anchor. When times of transition bring up anxiety – all those constricted physical sensations and thought loops – it helps to meet them with curiosity instead of resistance. When you notice a mounting panic or worry, ask yourself: what’s happening in my body right now? What are the thoughts that are trying to pull me in? And what is my brain telling me to do to get rid of this feeling? (Ruminate? Nap? Doom scroll?) Then instead of doing those things, do what ACT calls dropping anchor. First, reconnect to your physical body: move, stretch or adjust your posture. Then, resituate yourself in your physical environment. Notice and name three objective things you observe in the world around you (e.g. the leaves on the trees are moving in the wind; that tiny dog is wearing a raincoat; my toddler is drawing on the couch cushion with a permanent marker.) These simple-seeming practices can do a lot to wake ourselves from the trance of anxious thinking.
Actions of confidence come before feelings of confidence. When navigating change or novelty of any kind, it’s natural to feel shaky and unsure. Why should we feel confident entering uncharted territory? According to ACT practitioner Dr. Russ Harris, if we wait until we feel confident before acting, we’ll never act. Instead, acts of confidence must come before feelings of confidence. This is not a call for false arrogance, pretending to know what you don’t know, or acting in the absence of fear. Rather, an act of confidence is acknowledging your fear and acting anyway. It’s moving forward before you feel confident in your ability to succeed, with faith that through diligent practice and thoughtful modification, the feelings of confidence will follow.
Fall doesn't ask us if we’re ready. Still we march on, sweaters, existential dread, and all. Whatever you're facing this season, you don’t need to face it alone.
